♥ Thursday, October 05, 2006
Its a bit late to dis entry. Cos dis time i din really blog straight away like i used to.
U noe, ive been gettin dis prob wif me. I tend to alwaes tink dat sumtink will happen to me on d road sooner or later. I kept havin dis imagination or instead, dis imagination come to me whereby i will b caught in an accident n den i will b in coma for qutie sumtinme before regaining concious. Worst.. I lost my memory at d same time. Dat is d tink i was talking bout yest. Whr it wa buggin me n i said i will come in touch wif dat. Y? I mean.. Will it really happen? Yes i do behave like a hooligan on d road sumtimes im not to d extend whr it will cause accidents.. Or m i? Its scary especially wen im on d road most of d time. I have yet to accomplise a lot of tinks n discover alot of stuff pertaining to life n also, i dun have wat is requird to bring to Him. Even if i do, i dun tink i wan to cos, i still wan to noe how its like to live to n old age. Will it b stressful? OR will it b fun s we r able to enjoy d benefits of elderly ppl? I cant help it but i still m confused. If it really happens den wat will d outcome be? Will i be in coma for d rest of my life? Will i be able to see d world again? See my loved ones especially my dear? Will i end up losing my memory once i gain conciousness? Will i b involved in a serious accident?
M i suffering frm sum kind of illnesses? Depression? Confusion? Stress? No i dun tink dat is cos ive never gone thru dat b4 in life. Is it some kind of illusion den? But y m i get al dis complications? Can somebody tell me how to get dis of n cured? Or tell me if i needed some treatment?
I woke up on d wrong side of d bed i tink. Actually, i had an argument wif my parents for d past few daes. It sumtink which happens nearly every yr of d ramadhan. Never will it not happen. I wanted to get dis baju kurung n it cost a hefty $180. I wanted it soo much cos its nt like a normal men baju kurung. Its unique n has its own style to it. Some ppl may tink its just lyk a normal shirt but actually, its mire like a pengantin baju kurung. N d white is sooo pearly dat i tink i had fallen in love wif it. Its design to is diff den oders u can find along d bazaar n d whole of Geylang. I tot its worth. But mom tinks oder waes. She kept on saying "lets buy sumtink else n we see oder places. N rather den buy here, might as well go to johor n buy a more nicer shirt.." It pisses me off really. D tink dat happen every yr is, i dun get to buy n wear sumtink i wanted. Instead, its sumtink mom wants. N if its like wat d whole family wears, fine, i dun mind. But every one has diff style n color n i wan my own too. If d price is sumtink dats buggin u den let me buy my own using my own money. I went back to meet dad at d car s he wans to buy sum stupid stuff. Den he kept shouting at me to follow mom back to buy d shirt s he gave permission. I dun wan. Im in no mood to buy dat shirt anymore. If its sumtink u made cos u were force to. Go spend ur money on buying stuff for urself i dun need dose
. I too dun feel like buying any shirt no more. Im too angry wif myself n my parents dat i straight away went to my bike, start it n ride off like a hooligan. I nearly get into n accident again. N d is time, if it were to really happen, i will definitely die on d spot. I will go under d bus s it made its turn n run over like a dough of a piza under d roller. Until todae. ive not been talking to dem.
Uncles n aunties, sis n bro-in-law, grandma ask me y din i talk to dem. I din even answer dem. I dun wan to talk to dem no more. It pains me u noe. I hate it wen grandma gives me money. I hate it wen dad give me money. It made me feel useless n irresponsible wif myself n my spending. I do haf money ok. Im werking n i can pay off my bill slowly. Stop giving money n excuses, 'ko mane ade duit' for me to accept d money. I have ok. Stop makin me look useless n stupid n guilty for havin no money but can afford a bike. Hello, i made ppl tink ok. D bike is my own money. Even if i have to delay d payment still, i pay it using my own money. D only tink mom n dad paid for was my first accident compensation n monthly season parking. Yes i thank dem for dat but dun get d impression of i havin no money for myself. I can afford my own spending along wif dear's. I even gave my brothers some money. And at d same time, im saving enough for my Yamaha R1 which i will paid it in full cash. Insyallah. Dad woke me up n tried to give me money. I dun wan dat. I dun wan to b waken up to b given cash. I noe some of u will tink im crazy but u wont undrstand my position n thinking. Dats me. I dun noe how long will not b talking to dem.. Damn.
Maybe dats y ive been moody dese daes. Worst, my fone features haf been cut of. D only tink i can do wif my fone is, incoming calls. Who d hell is gg to call me? Even dear is not msging me cos i cant reply. N i cant call ppl. Shit. Its just d part of d year whr everytink is havin their backs on ya. I hate it. I really do. Im in no mood to do anitink but werk n werk out. I want to play football. Or maybe, i will just go n pray...
Dear,
Im sorry bout yesterdae. Its sumtink i cant do against. I couldnt find d key n i haf to went back wif 'em. I felt so guilty but i must tell u dat i did pillion a gerl. But its no more den dat. My conscience is clear n dat im FORCED to sent her home. I hope u dun get d wrong idea n forgive me for not tellng u earlier. Scold me if u wan cos i noe its my mistake i dare to aadmit n take dat. BUt pls, dun get d wrong idea. I love u n u noe it. U noe how much u mean to me. N how much i really need u. Dats y i love u. I miss u n regreted gg out yest wif dem. I couldnt hear ur voice n laughter n dat doesnt complete my dae. I miss d times whr u will wake me up n ask me to go to werk. Pls forgive me. Call me wen u read dis. Thank you for understanding.
Well briefly yest, i went to geylang for a walk but din go to d shop dat has dat shirt. Dun wan to. Den my frens went over to esplanade to chill out n stole my key stoping me to go hm. Eventualy we went oof at bout 12. Had lil fun wif dem lah.But overall, ok. Include heikel, his gf n dat gerl. Once i reach hm, i tot of callin but dun tink its necessary too. She must b sleeping. Wrote in my entry b4 gg to dreamland... Wakin up in disaster.
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