Hmm im exhausted. Mentally and physically. Seriusly. All those happenings doesn't help much. In fact, IT DOESN'T HELPS AT ALL. AT ALL.

to whom it may concern.
I have never regretted knowing u as well.I still regard u as my fren no matter what u sae in ur blog. U seem to not noe me. The only thing that u noe bout me is dat i talk "like a snake". Well gerl i think u need to noe more bout me rather than making more assumptions. Bout me.

Actually i dun realy care. Watever u talk bout me u c. Its something WWWWAAAAAAAYYYYYY beyond my control. Its something only u can control. Wat im typing here is to tell u how WEAK ur mentality is. How i got ur WEAKNESS? Simple. Cos u blog bout me. And tell the whole world bout me. Wat i did to u. The words i sae to u. Facts that makes u comes to a decision that i LIED to u bout all i said regarding my feelings towards u. But y...? Y must u let me affect ur life? Y must u let my confessions towards my ownself affect our frenship? TREASURED FREN..? More like a u-lied-i-dump-u fren.

Tell me sumtink guys. As a normal human being, for as how many years u guys have been living on this lovely earth, from the day u discover love in ur life, how many times haf u guys fall in and out of love? How many times u guys made STUPID vows to each other (ur partner) and fulfilling it sincerely, carrying out the vows full of love and commitment? How many times haf u and ur partner sit down and talk like adults when actually the both of u are just TEENS? How many time u shed tears for all the mistakes and wrongdoing ur partner had done to u (being unfaithful,lying etc etc...)? And how many times had ur partner say "thank you" will all the love and appreciation u can feel from him to u? Ever tot bout it?

Now. If all the ans to the above mentioned turns out to be negative (no, never, maybe etc etc...) then y r u stil clinging on to ur partner? Is he wat u want? OR is he wat u NEED? Ever tot bout tat?

So if u discovered that he wasnt the one for u then wat happens? U will come out with all kinds of excuses like "i noe u will find someone better than me" or maybe "ur too good for me. too sincere and i dun want to hurt a person like u. Im scared i will hurt u deeply and i dun wan that to happen ". Familiar?

In the first place, who the hell are we to judge other people? Who the hell are we to sae.. "U r too good for me n im not too good for u..." Then y get together in the first place? Y make stupid vows to each other only to find urself falling out of it and have to MOVED ON? Or are u saying that im too good for u which means that the current partner is not as good as me but u still want to be wif her? Silly isnt it? And then u start to recollect, read up courting days msgs and somehow the same werds are in that msgs. The difference, the way its being constructed. The way its being said. The way it being potray. That is the magic of werds. That is the magic of English. Then u begin to make facts and assumptions and started scolding one another. Weird huh.

So tell me. What am i supposed to do when u rejected me. I text u all those werds not cos i want to. But i need to. And i chose to cos my heart tells me to do so. I WAS HOPING for u at that time.
I was hoping u would be able to bring that smile on my face again and filled me with the happiness i longed for all this while after it was robbed and taken away. Was i wrong to confess to u bou tme feelings? And in that msg, if my memory doesnt failed me, i made no promised to u except that i said "i just want to make u happy and smile and share all my hapiness and sorrow with u cos u deserved it" n i said " i will wait for u no matter wat happens. Cos i still wan to make u happy". Do u still keep it? I doubt u even remember my pathetic number and name now. Its ok.

Listen. I sent u all that msgs hoping u will also be my sunshine who would brightens up my days and enlighten up my night with urself. Ur character. Ur attitude. URSELF. Cos i haf told u before and im stating in down again here. I like u the way u r and who u r. Not wat u r. And i admit. I sae all those werds to u. But u. U chose not to gif me a chance. U never wanted to gif me the chance either. I understand ur situation and perceptions towards guys at the moment of time. But after u rejected me, u noe wat u did. U moved on. Yesh. Need i sae it again. Yes. U MOVED ON. And i did not sae anitink. In fact i was happy for u. And i pray for ur happiness. I even opted to wait for u. And then u did it again. And again. And again. Till the day u gave me that msg. I got it. I realised how it would never happen between us. And i was just chasing shadows of u. And wat do u expect me to do? To continue to wait for u? Like wat u put in that entry? Then wat about the msg that u sent me telling me to move on and not regret one day if i found out that u were attached or worst, gona get married? And now ure telling me that all those werds were nonsense and that im trying to use u to forget her? Even to the extend of linking and comparing me n Fairus ur ex bf? Arent u contradicting urself?

And thats wen i realised.. i wasnt being appreciated. I wasnt being appreciated for all of my sacrifices and effort i put in to make it work between us. N i realised further... who has been doing so. It was her. No one but her. Even tho she's engaged people. Even tho she is engaged, we still go out together. We still help one another. We share and learn from everyday happenings so that we could improved ourselves and not repeat the same mistakes again. Giving out motivations and moral support for the both of us to carry on with our path. Cos she has made her decision. So i decide. Since i have been keeping numb bout her and wat she is in my life, i made a testimonial bout her so that all of u noe about her.

And u regard me as a treasured fren. But u punish me as heavily as u can. U wanted to criticised me so that i would hate u and forget u all my life? *knock* *knock* it does not apply to me. I not a person who would do that. And i dun expect people to do it to me. Im very particular bout other peoples feelings because i owaes put them ahead of my needs. Ahead of my wants. N i never regret doing so. Even tho i suffer. But i rather suffer in silence and see the smiles around me rather than seeing my surroundings suffer and im the only one smiling in the middle.

For a moment, Have u ever wondered y i stay by ur side even tho u rejected me and then u go around looking for guys and then u got att with them and then wen things go wrong i call u n u talk to me bout it? Maybe im not that special someone but cos ur comfortable and u trust me thats y u r able to talk to me? How i go to the extend of asking my doctor to help u clear ur doubts about ACI and all? How i always pour all the motivation and support u need in academic and personal relationships to handling matters pertaining to no one but yourself? Have u ever understand how i feel when i got to noe that guys are taking advantage of u n ur innocence in certain matters which u never come across before?

I still regard u as my fren. N like before, i dun wan u to leave. I dun wan to lose the frenship that was once so beautiful and blossom. And my impression towards u never change. Even tho im hurt as to how u want to solve this issue. I dun wan u to leave. But all i need from u is to forgive me. I meant no harm. I confessed. And thats my feelings. Cos not only u haf them. I do.

Decision is urs. I meant no harm Seriusly.Forgive Me.This entry is not to spark any blog-fighting. But i speaking straight from my heart.


u said u wan me to leave.
Here i am..
leaving...
Haf fun in China.

♥ Romance