I din slep d whole of yesterdae.I went out halfway after i finish eating n was supposed to go to sleep.Instead i made my way down to my bike,sit on it n started to close my eyes.I see panic,running n shouting n everytink is in a huge chaos.Houses are not like houses.Ppl are running naked n faceless.I cant see deir faces.N dey seem to not see me.Cos everyone din even like look or run towards me.I got scared n at d same time curious.I opened back my eyes.N i was panting.Y?I duno.Den i was reflecting.I mean in malay its "termenung".For quite sometime.B4 i decided to start d bike n just go on n on n on.Seriously i wasnt me yesterdae.I mean i just went on until i reach.......South Buena Vista exit.Den again straight all d way until i reach Ulu Pandan Ave.Dat is somewhr near Holland Rd.D place whr Lin used to live.N once i reach dat area,i cried all my heart out.Cos in my mind n ears,d song below was playing.But it wasnt for her.It was for someone else.Yesh.N on my way back,still,m crying.

I stop over at Masjid Hang Jebat at Portsdown Rd.I pray n asked HIM for forgiveness.N strength.N d light dat will shine thru my path.N to long lived both my parents n grandMother.I pray she will at least see my future wife.In any way or another.

Ive realised how weak i m to myself.I have been living in nutink but lies.Im lyin to myself bout being able to get over d tink dat has happen nearly 4 yrs back.Im so ALONE!N i have been living in dese situation for as long as all dis while.Though i have frens,dey cant b dere wen i needed dem.N dey never were dere.Neither was my family.No ONE!!Y?! Not even Botak.Yes Botak.Not even u.Not even u Shikin.No ONE!N not forgetting to sae,frens who expect ppl to b dere bt never able to noe,understand,feel,hear n even b dere for dat someone who haf given a lot to d friendship.I have no one to turn to wen i felt down.Wen i felt as if d whole world is coming down on me.Wen i lost Lin,no one was dere to console,comfort me.I suffer in silenced.Wen i felt i need help in my studies,my future,my plans,nobody.Wen my bike got disturbed or actually tapered with,who was dere?Its nt like i did not put it up here.Again,Nobody.Wen dey saw me wif a low expression,dey asked.I told dem nutink.Bt cant dey feel sumtink was nt right?N d point wen i need someone aftr dat unfateful accident,i gt scolded over nt picking up d call.Worst,d caller put d fone down on me.How was i supposed to feel?Y cant anybody understand me?Y?Probably dey duno how worried i was wen somtimes dey dun pick up my calls nor reply my msgs.

But den again,mayb im relying too much on my frens.Expecting too much from dem.I understand dey too haf dier lives.But im just sick of being d place to turn to over last resort.Whr were u guys wen tinks were as beautiful n pleasant as a fairy tale?In ur own land n world!Together wif d one whom u would always complain to me even over d smallest misunderstanding or prob dat come up between d both of ya.N asking me for help n advices n everyting else.But wat do i get in return?I dun want money nor cars nor hses nor kisses nor hugs.I just wan a simple "Thank You" n being dere back for me.Is dat too much to ask for?Aftr wat i had put thru in all my friendship wif nearly all of u ppl?!!

I kept comparing d past wif present.She always was dere for me.Yesh she was my GF.But d point is,being dere for someone.Even though we r a couple,we r frens,perhaps very close frens in other words than STEADY n wat comes may.U can b dere for somewhr u noe like few months but never b dere for someone whom u haf known n spend most of ur lifes wif?Think bout it frens.

Fine.All d best in ur lifes frens.Listen to Fray.Dose lyrics.Understands a confession of a LONELY Fren.


Bunga Emas.
-----------------
Apa ertinya
bunga emas yang kuberi dulu
dikembalikan semula
dikau pun berpaling terus pergi..
rasa dihina
membuat aku merasa
kasihku tiada berharga...

Apa maknanya
bunga emas yang engkau miliki
bila engkau mengirim erti
rupanya aku dibenci...
tergamaknya kau
biarkan bunga cinta
terbiar pudar warnanya
dulu kemilau sinarnya...

Rupa - rupanya hadirmu cuma bersandiwara
tak lena tidur kusering mengenangkan wajahmu
duhai sayangku...
Aku disini tercari - cari warna pelangi
hanya yang ku temui
malam yang sunyi tidak berseri meranalah....

Masihkah ada haruman rindu
nirmala emas dulu kau puja
pabila sepi datang melandaku merindu....
percintaan bagai dulu...

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p/s:dis entry is generalised.And a fact n confession of my own.

♥ Romance