Well.. its become a lil bit privacy now as i can really blurt it out. For dose, juz read it aite. any opinions, drop it in my taggie.

Hmm.. im actually feeling a whole lot better lah. Lepas solat n readin n findin out d truth. Wat i wanted to really2 sae juz now, i kinda forgot. i juz wan to tell bout a weird dream i had n d dilemma im facin.

Double dream dat is. yah. now it has become triple. d third its a lil bit detailed. as to hu d guy is. D name. Especially wen it happen. Dats d most impt tink. N d outcome, its dramatic but it did happen.

I slept at a bout 12.05 yesterdae. Was tinkin bout it lah. i did msg her to read dis but i tink she couldnt cos of d password. Fine. I was at my office n i received a msg frm her. She needed help. Shes in somekind of big trouble. I den went to her school n estate n find her. But i couldnt. But at her school, i heard someone sayin in malay... "Ko carik sape?".. Three times. i din really care bout it. until he finally said.. "ko carik sape? org yg ko carik tu matair aku lah..." I was left in a dazed. i couldnt find d guy cos wen i turn around deres only a figure wearin songkok but i couldnt make out his face. I strain to see but no avail. d next tink i realise i was back at d office. N another msg came to me saying... "Aja nk kembali ngan AliF..." dats all i can remember. Dats wen i fell d whole world is coming down. Den again, as fast as i cam back at d office, i was at d airport. Looking at d departure gate, it was 2.27 pm , 21/12/2012.. 6yrs frm now. Alif is a fren dat went coincidentally to d same university as her. Dere she was holding hands, n left me in distraught. Not being able to hold on, i woke up, to find myself in tears n kept recalling dat dream. i look at my watch, 1.45am, 031106. I couldnt sleep after dat until bout 3 plus. Cos i couldnt help but to tink bout it.

N im having a headache now. Im really not in d right frame of mind n i dun wan to b in dis state anymore. Its true dat time is d most important tink in dis situation now. i dun wan to spoil anytink betwn me n anybody. But at d same time, i dun wan me to get hurt. So if u link it, wat Lin said to me to be strong is, mayb, cos of dis. She loves me n i loves her. i really do. n i dun tink she wants to see me in dis state. But wat im hoping now is dat Allah, pls show me d truth. i noe im being unfaithful by getting to noe oder gerl. But i jus wan to see d truth. i can wait jus dis last time n U noe i dun haf patience. I hope U will ans my q n show me, prove me, wrong wen i made dat vow to myself. N pls show me if she is d one for me. In any way possible. Pls. Amin.

I coudnt believe wat im facing now. she is actually in contact wif him but wen i jus msg to find out how is she, it took her quite some time to reply. But wen its him hu msg her, its like a flash. d reply came to fast even dat sets me jealous. Y? Y can he call u after u study? y can u reply to him askin bout tinks? well maybe he is a brother to u but, wat bout me? Hello.. i noe we're nutink but im waitin for u. every day i dread for ur msg, ur well-being. i cant take it wen u ask me wat would i do wen i c u coming down frm his bike? Wats dat supposed to mean? wats dat supposed to imply? u even offer him to b ur partner for raye.. but wen i came to ask u, wat did u sae? O level. i understand dat. I shud up. but, wif him, is ur 'o level' not d reason for u to not go out? n u even sae u wont ride a motobike, but suddenly u came wif dat phrase? dat sent me tinking? u noe im waiting for u. u noe i need u. u now how much u mean to me? but, wat r u trying to create here? Mayb im sooo into my feelings. mayb its my feelings dat has overcome my brain. Mayb its a misunderstanding. mayb im colcluding sumtink wthout enuf prove. mayb im using my feeling to analyse dis situation now. I dun care. i need ans but i dun wan dem frm u. i want it frm Him. Him. Not d guy but Him. Dis is d first time im getting soooo jealous n broken since yana left me. y? y r u doin dis to me? tell me. will u still come back dat fateful dae wen u promised me u would...? dat song? huh? its only bout two weeks im waitin.. wat mor three to four yrs...? im havin second tots to it now...

Ive been in a distraught n distracted by every tink now. I cant concentrate on werk, play, road. dis week has been very yucky for me. i nearly get into an accident four time now, d latest involving me n two taxis. TODAE!!. i wont place down my decision on dis problem at d moment. i can still bear to cry inside me. but wen d dae came for me to cry rite in front of u, dun show me ur sympathy. cos u never show it to me now, wat more Ever...

i noe u haf feelings for her, n she haf feeling for u. fine. i wont get in d way. B happy. wif him. n wif her. i noe we're nutink n i noe i u told me b4. but pls, im not scolding. im jus letting out wat i feel. n let u noe how ur treating me n how im feeling. i dun wan to b contacted no more. no more msging n no more calls. u takecare of urself. i wont disturb u further.. or shuld i sae, d both of u.


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♥ Romance