Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face.
You told me how proud you were but I walked away.
If I only I knew what I know today, ohhhh.

I would hold you in my arms.
I would take the pain away.
Thank you for all you've done.
Forgive all your mistakes.
There's nothing I wouldn't do.
To hear your voice again.
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there.

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you.
For everything I just couldn't do.
And I've hurt myself by hurting you.

Some days I feel broke inside, but I won't admit.
Sometimes I just wanna hide cuz it's you I miss.
You know it's so hard to say good-bye when it comes to this, ohhhh yeah.

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do.
To have just one more chance.
To look into your eyes and see you looking back.

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you.
For everything I just couldn't do.
And I've hurt myself, oh...

If I had just one more day.
I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away.
Oh, It's dangerous.
It's so out of line to try and turn back time.

I'm sorry for blaming you.
For everything I just couldn't do.
And I've hurt myself....
by hurting you.

I guess u guys noes wat song dat is rite? Yah. im hurt. real bad. N i hope im forgiven soon.. By dat sumone dat i hurt.

Ive not been updated regularly lah. but still, im ok. i mean. i still haf my own dear diari. n dat would b enuf. A lot of tinks happen along dis week. Frm fun to even more fun. Jalan-raye. Riding. Finding out a few new problems. I took two daes off just to get prepared for d raye outing. I break certain promises i made. i went out regularly wif my sec buddy now dat he has a bike. We went riding nearly every nite. We talked bout life n he gave me a lot of eye-opener in life. Its like i felt i've not meet him for a verrrryyyy lllloooooonnnnnggggg time. He seems wiser n more experience den b4. N his advice are not dose types whr its not reality. Its sumtink which i relised i haf not applied to all dese yrs. I cant really state all of it. But i will keep it to myself n dear diari. Soccer training. My fitness level sucks. Really do. But one wish is down. With Simei FC. Next is InterContinent Squad. Hmm my relationship wif my "use-to-b" best buddy is only to a limit of frens. I still dun get him.

He has been askin me to go out wif him. He has been like asking me alot of stuff bout bikes. i dun wan to ans him. or mayb i do ans him if i tink its n imprt q. Cos he has chnge. A lot. I can see d proudness in him now. hes not like how he used to b. I dun care if he even go to d extend of gg out wif hajar. On his bike. i dun wan to noe n i dun care. I will noe one dae cos time will show it to me. sooner or later, i cant run away. Betwn me n hajar, its nutink except frens. maybe not even frens. For my x-buddy, He feels dats since he has a bike, dat is life. he once told me dat wif a bike, anitink can happen n will happen. n he doesnt care even if it will gif him negatives consequences. But i told him b4. Remember dear fren. It do gives u joy, but it can also turn ur life upside down. N dun say i din warn u bout it. S for me, I like d way i m now. N i dun tink i will get myself involved in any kind of relationship soon. I will but not any sooner..

Dear hajar,
D msg u gave me on saturdae really turns me down. U even ask me wether we're frens only. In fact, i shuld b askin u dat. U haf to read my dear diari to really noe wat u mean to me. I dun wan to show u now cos i dun wan u to feel guilty or of any sort. U din promise me dat if i wait for u, u would come back to me. But u din. I noe u haf feelings for yan. I noe u haf been contacting him. I noe u noe him first. But wat bout dat nite's promise? Dat holding hands? Wat does it means to u? It means a lot to me. Dose wordsof hope u gave me. BUt now, u even ask me a q like dat. I can sense it. I can sense d change in u bt i dun wan to ask. Cos i belief i was wrong. But i was right actually. U noe u mean alot to me. U noe i love u n even will wait for u for how long s u wan me to. But in just two weeks n u shake me off, im wondering wat will happen afte 3 yrs.. Will u leave me like how Lin left me? Or will u come back n b wif me like how u promised me to..? Wat happens if mama n ayah already haf someone in mind den? Wat will happen to me？ But i dun mind. I dun mind taking dat risk cos i trust u sooo much. I sense u r trustworthy. I trust ur words n feelings. U said relationship mite or will distract u for ur o's. I gave u d space. But, i din noe dat contacting yan wont affect ur o's. Even if it really doesnt affect u, y cant u contct me as well? U can talk to him 11 plus at nite.. till god noes wat time. Bt wen i ask to only talk for like few mins, its like asking u to spend d reat of ur daes wif me.Im hurt cos y..? All my plans for u dis n next week ar shattered. Even if u said u could make it, i feel akward. Bookings haf been made. Preparations were prepared. I still pay dem for deir effort to make it d happiest momment for u. But i tink it will never happen. D cakes were cancel. D present.. i mite b giving u dat. d transport to pick u up at ur doorstep. d decorations. Candles. Foods. Movies n special seats. dey gone just like dat. N My mom's wish to see u went she noes bout u, i dun tink she even got to do dat. Im sorry. She loved to see u wen she got to noe dat ur actually frm madrasah. She was quite proud of me. But i told her we were only frens. Still, she wants to meet u. But now, i dun tink i would even tink of bringin u over. I cant bear to hold it no more. I haf soo many q but yet very little ans. n i dun wan to ask u d ans. I wan it to come on its own.

U haf a big impact in my life. Its up to u. i dun wan to press u any further. I just wish u all d best in ur upcoming pprs n life. Good luCk. Ur a good gerl. We r diff. Big time. We're not meant to b together i guess. Mayb we will met one dae. Mayb... Take Care of urself. I noe u will.

-Squidward-



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